It’s nights like last night that make me realize how far
I’ve come with accepting the symptoms with a neurological condition. I woke up at four am with the majority of my
vision gone replaced by squiggling zigzag colored lines, flashing lights, and
fizzling dot images. I also had nausea,
head pounding, and heart palpitations.
The disturbances rarely take over this much of my field of
vision. A few years ago when they got this bad I would run around freaking out
trying to shut my eyes only to see them brighter. I can’t run anymore, so that’s a plus, but
even if I could it does not affect me like it used to. I got up and went to my computer and did
online math problems through the little circle of reality I had left. It’s all about doing what you can, and not
worrying about what you cannot control.
If I felt the symptoms were posing a critical threat, I have phone
numbers I can call and a life alert system.
My vision has returned to its normal levels of semi-psychedelic now. My head is still womping, but it’s a duller
pulse of pain that I am very used to by now.
I recognize it as the ouch-ouch heartbeat in my head. If I did not feel it, I would think there was
something wrong.
I’m not sure if I’m strong or just desensitized. I think it’s neither, I think it’s just
acceptance. Everyone has agony. Yours is unique, but not special. The moment you focus into it is the moment
you lose sight of everything. Keep to
the little circles, and remember those you love.
What do they call it?
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